Things I learned from being the first of my friends to get pregnant

I had heard stories about the prolonged length of time it can take to get pregnant but for me, it all happened so fast. I was suddenly acutely aware that I was alone in this pregnancy (none of my friends have kids) and so I questioned whether I’d be able to navigate the unknown. Suffice it to say, there have been some surprises along the way. Here are the things I learned from being the first of my friends to get pregnant.

Friends Become Family… When I first found out I was pregnant, my initial thought was that my friends were all going to ditch me. It’s not to say that we lead vastly different lifestyles. The first thing I asked them after telling them about the baby was if we would still be friends, only half joking. They not only assured me that they would, but were incredibly excited when I told them. My best friend even cried tears of joy. Those girlfriends who saw me through breakups and all night dance parties were all of a sudden now “aunts” to my future son.

Resourcefulness Has No Bounds… With no friends to lead by example, I’ve had to be resourceful in finding information on pregnancy and birth. In a sense, it’s been freeing because I am not being bombarded with unwarranted opinions and advice, and instead can seek out the information I’m specifically after.

Ordinary Days Feel Like Date Night…Even if it’s reheating leftovers to eat in front of the TV watching hours and hours of Dexter, I’ve come to savor the truth of our everyday lives. Before, I’d be itching to go out for drinks on a Saturday night, but these days I find immeasurable joy parking myself on the couch watching Rediculousness with my fur-baby.

You Will Feel Lonely at Times…It would be nice to join the happy hour with my girls, but I have to listen to my body when it tells me to stay home and rest. I wasn’t surprised about being tired all of the time, but I also wasn’t prepared for the loneliness that came with it (not by any fault of my friends I’ll add). It can be isolating to go through a huge life change before other people in your group do. In that vein, it’s also okay to tell your friends that you feel left out. The good ones will plan a night for you alcohol-free and just relax.

Suddenly I Want to Be a Kid Again…Part of it may be because I’m the first of my friends to be pregnant that I suddenly want to be a carefree kid again. Having this massive responsibility on the horizon makes me want to rewind time and savor in a moment when everyone was kind of doing the same thing. At 10, everyone was in soccer together. At 19, everyone was running through the bar circuit. Now that I’m 22 and finishing college, people are veering off into different places in their lives, which makes me crave the predictability of years past. Luckily, I’ll have my son to hold in a matter of weeks and I can’t wait!

Baby Shower fun!

Last weekend, my friends threw me a baby shower for my little boy and I couldn’t be more thankful! All of my friends were there celebrating this milestone in my life and it was perfect. Leo definitely got spoiled!

Thank you so much to all my friends that came!

The Balance: Motherhood & Ambition

During my pregnancy, I have been thinking a lot about my lifelong dreams and what it truly takes to make a dream come true. There is a lot of hard work and sacrifice involved in pursuing a dream. It makes making difficult choices and willingness to believe in yourself even when no one else does.

As excited as I am about reaching this milestone, as a soon to be mommy to a baby boy, Leo, the unspoken question that often remains in my own head is this: Does pursuing my own dream make me selfish?

I don’t think I’m alone. Honestly, I think many of us struggle with that very dilemma. How do we balance our ambition as people with our responsibilities as mothers? When is it okay to push towards our own goals, and when should we hold back? When is it okay to be selfish, and when are we supposed to be selfless?

If only there were an easy answer.

The truth is that motherhood often comes with a strong dose of guilt. Although I haven’t experienced life with my son yet, I have heard of mothers feeling guilty when they don’t spend enough time with their kids. They feel guilty when they spend too much time with them and not enough time on things like housework or meal-planning. They feel guilty for working. They feel guilty for staying home. They feel guilty for being too strict. They feel guilty for giving in. And sometimes they feel guilty for pursuing our own dreams and ambitions because it might mean they can’t also meet standard of the perfect mom they’ve set out to be.

But here’s a little secret we all need to know: None of us are Superwoman.

The reality is that nobody can do it all, and the ones who pretend they can are probably lying. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day. We all get the same 24 hours, which means that no matter what we do in life, we will be faced with choices.

So how do we make sure we have chosen the right path? How do we know our priorities are in order? Ultimately, I think we are all a work in progress, subject to continual re-assessment and self-reflection, but there are a few things that have really helped me along the way.

Don’t compare.

It is easy to look at our friends and think their life is somehow better or more worthwhile. We watch our career-minded friends rushing off to work each day, looking all stylish and put together in their tailored suits and high heels. While they move right on up the corporate ladder we’re still wearing yesterday’s yoga pants.

Comparing your situation to someone elses’ situation serves no purpose except to make you crazy with self doubt, so just don’t do it. Your path is your path and no one elses.

Own your choices.

Every action has it’s own set of consequences, and every time we select one thing it means we are not choosing something else. So own it. If in your heart of hearts you believe that you have been called to a certain path, don’t waste time on regretting the things you can’t do. Understand that when you make a choice to pursue a dream, you are also making the decision to leave something else behind.

And that’s okay.

Because none of is can do it all, but we can make peace with the choices that we’ve made. And in the end, I think that’s good enough for me.

Kicking my own ass into gear

6 months pregnant is usually when people start to slow down in their routines and enjoy the rest of their pregnancy because when the belly starts to get larger and larger, you kinda just want to sit on your ass and indulge in some Ben & Jerry’s and wait out the last 4 or so months until your bundle of love arrives.

But not me…

Today, I ran 2.5 miles in 18 minutes and felt freakin’ GREAT. (Minus some extreme back pains) But it was nice to get out of the house and enjoy the spring/soon to be summer weather and run in shorts and a t-shirt, acting like I’m still in my fitness prime. For the last 6 months, I’ve been so exhausted that working out has become minimal. I didn’t think I would ever lose my thunder thighs but I am. My butt is slowly diminishing and my arms can barely carry a jug of milk to the cash register. Moral of the story, I am a weak little human trying to produce another human. It’s hard work! At first, I was playing soccer with the girls still and keeping up with exercise, until I hurt my back. After that, even doing the slightest bit of exercise caused me pain which was definitely hard on me emotionally. 4 years of hard training and keeping in shape is all going away (even though I know it won’t be for long).

I couldn’t imagine a day where I just stop working out in general or stop playing soccer. I’m going to be that 65 year old lady that still plays in the competitive league- no joke. I’m stubborn as hell and often don’t know when to stop but then again, what athlete does? During my soccer season, I actually had a fractured leg and still played through it for at least 4 games. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I still did it. Talk about stubborn, eh?

6 months pregnant and I’m even more exhausted than ever but today was the beginning of my workout journey. I want this labor to be as easy and quick as possible- CMON LEO!

I know I will miss being pregnant but I can’t wait until I can start actually working out and playing soccer again. Oh yeah, and being a soccer mom. (Sorry to my boyfriend who wants Leo to be a football player!!!)

Time to register!

If you plan on having a baby shower, having the perfect baby registry for what you want for your little one is key.

Even though it’s for your friends and family that think they know you well, they usually don’t. Especially you, if you are a first time mom you may not even know what you want for your little one but now is the time to browse and think about what you really want.

For myself, I’ve always wanted one of those baby carriers that you can attach your baby to you like a kangaroo. Those things seem pretty convenient. I also really wanted a 3 wheel stroller so I can go running with my baby boy which a lot of moms are getting lately. But after looking at 3 different websites, I realized that there are so many things that you need to get for you and your newborn- it’s crazy!

Having a checklist is something that you should create for yourself as well and if you aren’t sure what to get, there are many online checklists that you can skim through yourself!

For new timers, you aren’t going to get everything right the first time. You are experiencing. So don’t worry if you don’t get something right away or you get something and realize that you’re never going to use it because that’s going to happen lots depending on your child and their likes and dislikes.

Ask your family and friends that already have children what works for them and go from there. Don’t stress. This is the fun part!

Here are some websites you can do online registry for your baby shower:
https://babyregistry.babiesrus.com/home
http://www.amazon.com/gp/baby/homepage
https://www-secure.target.com/gift-registry/baby-registry
http://www.buybuybaby.com/store/page/BabyRegistry

The best things about pregnancy

Feeling baby move. How can this not be one of the best parts of pregnancy? It took me a while before I actually decided I was actually feeling the baby and not just having gas, but it was amazing. Pregnancy becomes a lot more real once you start feeling that life inside of you moving.

People are nicer. If you have been pregnant I’m sure you will have noticed that people are nicer to you when they see your bulging belly. People will hold doors for you, smile at you in passing, help you when you look like you are struggling.

Baby hiccups. I guess some people might not enjoy these, but I thought it was so cute when Baby Leo would get hiccups. I can always tell when he has the hiccups and wasn’t just moving because I can feel him move every ten seconds or so. It’s almost exact.

Ultrasounds. Obviously any chance you have to see your baby you probably want to take. We got to see Baby Leo twice so far and each time was amazing. The best ultrasound is the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks because you get to see them for so long and you get to look at all of their tiny bones and see their beating heart and watch them move. Baby Leo was sucking his thumb and hiding his face, and I wasn’t even mad because I thought it was so cute. It’s really an amazing thing to be able to see a little baby moving around inside of you.

Knowing there is a life inside of you. Something changes when you find out you are pregnant. You aren’t only taking care of yourself anymore, you have a living thing inside of you that is completely, 100% dependent on you. It can be kind of scary but it’s also incredible. It’s sort of hard to put into words, but anyone who has been pregnant knows what I am talking about.

No period. Duh this is one of the best things because nobody likes having that time of the month.

Buying things for your baby. It’s really fun to buy a tiny outfit and think to yourself “our child will wear this!” or to buy a little blanket and think about how your baby will carry it around with him all the time. Pretty much anything when you get to think about how your baby will touch or use something is exciting.

Pregnancy is the ultimate excuse. For anything. If you feel tired, blame it on pregnancy. If you feel like eating a whole pizza, blame it on pregnancy. If you feel sick looking at a whole pizza, blame it on pregnancy. If you can’t get up from the couch, blame it on pregnancy. If you have gas, blame it on pregnancy. Seriously, you are making a person so you can sort of do whatever you want. I probably used this excuse too many times though. So just use it with caution, but don’t be afraid to use it. It’s the best.

Wearing stretchy pants. Yoga pants and leggings were always my bestfriends but now they have been my ultimate go to and I can feel comfortable at all times.

Avoiding the dreaded stretch marks

We all dread them…. and yet we are told there is nothing we can do about it. It’s genetic. You either get them or you don’t. Though I don’t completely disagree with this statement, I do think there are things you can do to prevent stretch marks. Maybe some people’s skin is miraculously more stretchy than yours but if you are genetically screwed to getting stretch marks there are still options for you.

Stretch marks are something we generally accept as a given during pregnancy. You’re either Elastic Girl or not. If you are lucky enough to have elastic skin you won’t get stretch marks right? Wrong. Of course there is something you can do about stretch marks… that is if you can possibly change the elasticity of your skin. So how can we do it?

I have taken a lot of this information from the e-book “Bump to Birth“. This is a perfect resource for mothers that are looking for more natural cures for all your pregnancy dreads…including stretch marks.

1. Gelatin

1.Gelatin (like this or this) is a great way to prevent stretch marks. Collagen formation is essential in improving your skins elasticity. In order to increase your skins collagen formation you can eat gelatin to get more collagen through your diet. Another name for collagen…you guessed it Gelatin. Today our diets are severely lacking in gelatin. So how would one go about getting more gelatin in their diet.

2. HYDRATE

3.Coconut oil can easily be applied topically. It is best to apply right after a shower to keep the moisture in. I also loved a mixture of coconut oil and beeswax. The mixture helped to keep the coconut oil in place until it is absorbed into the skin.

4. Vitamin C
The body uses Vitamin C to form collagen and cartilage. Vitamin C is also highly effective in reducing free radical damage. Free radicals consume collagen and elastin. It is best to get Vitamin C from a natural food source instead of a supplement. Foods high in vitamin C include red and green bell peppers, guava, kale, parsley greens, turnips, and broccoli. You can also make your own vitamin C.

5. Oil Treatments
Beneficial oils include: Olive oil, Vitamin E oil, Essential oils, and castor oil.

6. Stretch Mark Serum
Here is a DIY Stretch mark cream from the healthy honeys.

7. Shea Butter or Cocoa Butter
Shea butter and cocoa butter are two of the best emollients out there. They are exceptional at keeping the skin moist and hydrated.

Thoughts on Mother’s Day

You’re pregnant with a tiny growing human inside of you that is soon going to make a grand entrance in the world and call you mommy. Motherhood starts the minute a woman finds out she’s pregnant. She is connected to the baby and is already planning her future for her son or daughter. Wherever she goes, running around, going to work, making a phone call- her little one is always with her.

So what I’m trying to say is if this is your first pregnancy, congrats! It’s almost your very first Mother’s Day whether your child is physically with you, or still in the womb. You have taken on the title of a mother the minute you got pregnant so don’t think that just because your baby isn’t here yet that you aren’t a mother. Your child is already appreciating everything you do for him or her. The healthy eating, daily naps, your body in which he/she rests and grows in- that is all YOU mama. I don’t know about you but I’m damn proud to be a mother. Every single day I feel the love growing for my son and I become the happiest woman in the world.

Mother’s Day is a modern celebration honouring one’s own mother, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.

There you go. A day completely honouring you for everything that you do for your child whether still in the womb or out in the world. Even though it often scares me to be a mother because of everything that comes with being a mother like the fact I have to take account for someone else’s life and make sure that they are the best human they can possibly be, scares me.

But for all you father’s out there who have a pregnant wife or girlfriend, she IS a mother so do something nice for her to show her you appreciate everything she is doing for your new little family.

Check out some gifts you can get for the pregnant mama!

http://mamaseeds.com/blog/advice/11-favorite-gifts-pregnant-mama/
http://www.skinnymom.com/2013/04/28/5-mothers-day-gifts-for-mommy-to-be/?_szp=369065

And if it’s just you out there mamas, do something for yourself. You deserve it too!

A mothers’ affirmation